i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
