So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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