just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
