This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
