He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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