is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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