my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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