I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
