Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
