Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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