just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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