She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
operation have a gay friend backfired
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
