I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
