Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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