based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
