Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
