Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I am mentally ready for anal.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
