I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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