The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
