Can Purell be used as lube?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How does it feel to date your dad?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
