Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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