how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
