I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
