8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
