"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
