my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
