So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
