yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
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I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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