If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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