they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
