My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
