3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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