Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
