also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
