afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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