just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so let's talk penis.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I could fuck to npr.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
