nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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