Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
