where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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