it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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