Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
