before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
