Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
