I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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