I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
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Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
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Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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