don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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