HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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