Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
