tell your sister to shave her snatch
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
