You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
