I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
