whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
