I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
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i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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