You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Sober January is a disaster.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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