I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
