I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can't turn off my feet"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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