I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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