i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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