yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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