She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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