There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
