The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
