Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
