He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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