last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
