I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
