my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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