I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
