i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
